Stars*
Astrology has always fasinated me.
I want a big fancy telescope one day <— Its the dorky side of me =) These stars really are amazing tonight! I feel like Im the only person that is truly enjoying this.
It would be so perfect to be sitting here with the man that I love, the man that adores me who wraps his arms around me to keep me warm. We would be in our sweats with a blanket, just sitting in silence looking up at the sky. We wouldn’t have to say anything… we would just enjoy that moment. I miss feeling LOVED.
Sitting here gazing at these stars has my mind racing.
I used to write in a more conventional manner, but lately I have had far too much on my mind; my thoughts just SPILL out of me! I don’t even think that people read my posts. Im not sure how many followers I have on here!? Sidenote: I don’t do this for all of you, I do it for ME :). One of my new year resolutions is to WRITE more, and not just write these little quotes that I find in the books that I read, or that I randomly make up off the top of my head. I want to actually WRITE the way I used to. Even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else. It’s MY THOUGHTS;
I wish my grandmother was here with me right now, in my heart I know that she is. Her two favorite things were the STARS and the ocean. Whenever I would go away on trips she would always tell me to bring her back a peice of the ocean, so I would always try to smuggle sand in my suitcase. When I was little we sat on the beach and built a sand castle, she told me that her favorite noise in the whole wide world was the sounds of the ocean. I went and sat on the beach in Miami after she died and just LISTENED, It made me feel closer to her, as weird as that may sound. Watching these stars, I get the same feeling.
I keep reflecting on the last 5 years of my life, and I just don’t know what to make of it anymore. I acknowledge that I have- without a doubt been BLESSED. I have experienced some of the most amazing things in my 25 years of living. I have traveled, met some of the most interesting people, I have loved, I have lost. I have experienced PURE happiness and I have literally felt “my being” ripped into peices. I have been productive, worked HARD and I have also wasted days upon days. I feel like I have NOTHING to show for the last 5 years, except experience. I have to continue to GROW. I know exactly what I want and exactly WHO I want to be, its all a matter of staying motivated and getting there. Sometimes I find myself losing motivation, thats when I start to miss having someone in my life that makes me want to be a BETTER ME. My ex taught me sooo much about life. I will never question the fact that at ONE point in time he did love me… but ”there is a thin line between love and hate”! I’m not thankful for the lessons I learned about LIFE threw him, but Im greatful to have learned so much about MYSELF threw him. My next relationship will not fail, if given an honest and MUTUAL chance. In the beginning of any new relationship there is ALWAYS room for silly little mistakes. Your still getting to know each other…thats life!! Mistakes are the little things that BUILD a relationship and make it stronger. Its how you LEARN about a person and GROW. After 4 long/hard years with “him” I have a better understanding of TRUST, LOYALTY, having boundaries, understanding, caring, LISTENING. I better understand the meaning of giving someone SPACE, forgiveness, PATIENCE.
He is a part of my past for a reason, he is not a part of my present…. and he will never be a part of my future. But I can say THANK YOU for helping me to understand the importance of being on a mutual level with someone that you care about. Without “chance” and FAITH within EACH OTHER, it will only be a waste of someone that cared about you.
You can’t be scared to take a risk with someone. If you act on FEAR you will never know what could have been.
Whelp… this wasn’t too bad for my first writting sesh. Im going to finish my night looking at these stars and rest my head. God bless. xxxooo
